Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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