The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
