please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
