I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
