Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
