I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
