Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
