I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize