Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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