Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
