I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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