the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
