My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
