just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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