I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
