It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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