FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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