I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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