well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
