Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
