fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
