real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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