I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
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