Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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