I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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