No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
