My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
