Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
