So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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