I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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