do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
