mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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