I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
