Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
