Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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