i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
