Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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