I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
