you traded sex for a burrito?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
