we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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