Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My vagina just recognized that song.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
