I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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