This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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