Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
