Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
