hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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