Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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