Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
