I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
