I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
