So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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