would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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