well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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