I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Screwed.edu
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
