i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
