Just cropdusted the office
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
