why didn't you poke me back
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
