I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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