no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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