His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
