I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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