My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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