whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
