you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
