i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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