i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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