I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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