I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
