I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Randomize
