u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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