So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
