I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
