soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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