not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
