how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
