She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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