Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
