the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
