sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
