He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize