Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
