Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
