Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
