She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
