normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
