she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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