you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
