no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Found the puke drawer
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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