Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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