ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
