You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
