Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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