There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
