My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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