you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
