Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize