I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
