Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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